Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
