They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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