As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
