We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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