note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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