Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
