Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
