She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We got so high we made milksteak
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
