So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize