fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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