I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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