she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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