doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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