Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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