you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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