i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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