3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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