Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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