Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
