OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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