Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
