Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize