I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
