You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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