I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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