so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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