You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
