Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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