Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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