you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
