ugly people sure do ruin things
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
