She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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