I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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