She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
