The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
