How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
