Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
