So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
