nut hugger
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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