i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
