our cab driver is having phone sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
