i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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