2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
