Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.

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(315): Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over. http://tfl.nu/878e

Replies (40) Good night (1561) Bad night (7282)
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(619): View more from California

woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.

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(619): woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word. http://tfl.nu/lmgd

Replies (20) Good night (5771) Bad night (1201)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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(609): Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life. http://tfl.nu/eqwc

Replies (34) Good night (1629) Bad night (3981)
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(239): View more from Florida

Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.

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(239): Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate. http://tfl.nu/8ri3

Replies (6) Good night (914) Bad night (1961)
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(509): View more from Washington

Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.

(406): View more from Montana

Hospital.

(509): View more from Washington

I am invincible.

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(509): Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all. (406): Hospital. (509): I am invincible. http://tfl.nu/el46

Replies (10) Good night (2448) Bad night (1075)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.

(917): View more from New York City

So many issues. You honestly need help.

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(862): I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in. (917): So many issues. You honestly need help. http://tfl.nu/cv7o

Replies (10) Good night (2450) Bad night (976)
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(925): View more from California

you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed

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(925): you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed http://tfl.nu/e4j9

Replies (11) Good night (951) Bad night (1668)
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(716): View more from New York

Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet

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(716): Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet http://tfl.nu/obun

Replies (25) Good night (2724) Bad night (1091)
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(440): View more from Ohio

You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.

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(440): You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage. http://tfl.nu/sj4s

Replies (9) Good night (922) Bad night (691)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.

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(828): Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state. http://tfl.nu/9dzb

Replies (6) Good night (2633) Bad night (658)
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(716): View more from New York

Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf

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(716): Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf http://tfl.nu/cswi

Replies (5) Good night (1056) Bad night (388)
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(925): View more from California

Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you

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(925): Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you http://tfl.nu/oly8

Replies (11) Good night (884) Bad night (1552)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?

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(612): Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle? http://tfl.nu/3yux

Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (266)
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(914): View more from New York

Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."

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(914): Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover." http://tfl.nu/wk3b

Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (378)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.

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(505): He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself. http://tfl.nu/17i2

Replies (0) Good night (255) Bad night (427)

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