hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?