Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.

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  (416): I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch. http://tfl.nu/l1wa
  Replies (9) Good night (3655) Bad night (596)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.

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  (304): She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/p490
  Replies (30) Good night (5549) Bad night (1410)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

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  (403): I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse http://tfl.nu/d3ev
  Replies (20) Good night (8583) Bad night (874)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Sucks about the cops last night

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..

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  (609): Sucks about the cops last night (848): to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party.. http://tfl.nu/rv14
  Replies (7) Good night (4662) Bad night (1041)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep

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  (303): I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep http://tfl.nu/pnlq
  Replies (21) Good night (1381) Bad night (4770)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

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  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4804) Bad night (1518)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."

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  (248): There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding." http://tfl.nu/ytsu
  Replies (5) Good night (1778) Bad night (1144)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

  (239): View more from Florida

  I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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  (724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED" (239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink. http://tfl.nu/ryur
  Replies (3) Good night (2239) Bad night (650)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.

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  (303): You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead. http://tfl.nu/vdho
  Replies (1) Good night (2026) Bad night (466)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it

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  (865): I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it http://tfl.nu/0008
  Replies (12) Good night (1560) Bad night (531)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.

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  (216): Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left. http://tfl.nu/jvbq
  Replies (6) Good night (1547) Bad night (490)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate

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  (856): Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate http://tfl.nu/thdo
  Replies (3) Good night (1064) Bad night (480)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.

  (1+44): View more from

  They'll never let you practice medicine.

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  (+44): Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it. (1+44): They'll never let you practice medicine. http://tfl.nu/k98f
  Replies (5) Good night (1542) Bad night (345)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila

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  (267): At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila http://tfl.nu/iq3c
  Replies (0) Good night (330) Bad night (488)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger

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  (617): Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger http://tfl.nu/kw9o
  Replies (0) Good night (322) Bad night (383)

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