i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.