Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
