id be glad to
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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