I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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