I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
