Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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