i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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