we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
