ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
