im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
