I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
