i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We talked him into tasing himself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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