just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
