He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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