she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
