woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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