Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
