i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
