Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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