I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
