This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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