Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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