I want to make a zoo with you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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