How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize