Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
