Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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