Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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