I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
