Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
