why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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