I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
