Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
