do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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