You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
