Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
