Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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