I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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