My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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