Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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