I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
