tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
