Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
