No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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