I just threw up on my dentist
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My liver just had a heart attack.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
