I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
